Of potions and vital regions
by kyootness
Summary: England was so happy. Finally, he had prepared an awesome potion that would grant him his wish: a France - free year! Little did he know that said potion would have ended up in the wrong person's glass. And cause utter chaos.
1. Chapter 1

So. I decided to go back to my one first love. HUMOR. This story is something I really wanted to share. And it won't go on hiatus, cause it's over already!

Am I cool yet?

* * *

It was New Year's Eve. More accurately, the first of January. All nations had decided to get over their... differencies, and have one big party, all together. And besides the ass – groping accidents France caused or the random nuclear bombs exploding here and there, things were going actually well. Everyone was pleasantly drunk or high (if not downright wasted) and feeling the buzz. Sweden was singing on top of a table, with his wife Finland and quite a few other nations cheering for him. On the other side of the room, the ever – awesome and quite high Gilbert was holding a strip – tease for all the ladies, who were very pleased and squeeling like a bunch of rabid fangirls. France had tried his luck with every single creature that walked and talked, Russia had decided that while his sister was busy with Gilbert's shenanigans he might as well try to become one with the Italies, who were singing some really cheesy Italian folk song with all their might. Germany was still very much sober and trying to erase the hideous scenery that was around him from his mind, Alfred had joined the awesome Gilbert in his lap – dance and Canada tried his hardest to not blend in with the wallpaper.

However, there was one habitual drunk who had not joined the all – out madness. One with very thick eyebrows. Said not – drunk had a scheming smile on his features. He had planned something to make sure he would get a France – free year, and it was goddamn going to bloody work.

He had spent all the previous day concocting one of his magic potions, and was waiting for the right occasion to spike France's drink. Arthur couldn't help but smirk at his own craftyness. Finally, after years of research, he had obtained the mother of all potions: the Personality Switch Solution. That's right. England would make sure to give it to France, so that his personality would do a one – eighty. And he couldn't wait. He decided that it was almost time to go and get things done, but in the meantime, a very tipsy France had approached the very pleased – with – himself Arthur.

"Hey Angleterre, it's not like you to not be wasted on New Year's Eve! Is something wrong?" then he winked and said "I could make it right..."

Arthur blushed and punched him in the face with a very loud "SOD OFF!"

Then he figured this was the best occasion he was gonna get. He said "Sorry France. Listen, I'll make it up to you! There's a glass of wine in the kitchen, I saved it for myself, but I think you'd enjoy it waaaay more than I would. Sounds like a plan?"

Francis was too out of it to smell the danger, so he gladly accepted.

Arthur gave a very dangerous smile and went to the kitchen to retrieve the oh – so – wonderful potion.

Too bad it wasn't on the table anymore.

He went blue. Then red. Then he panicked. He ran back to the room where everyone else was, turned off the music, got himself a microphone, jumped on top of a table and screamed

"WHOEVER THE BLOODY FUCK HAS TAKEN THE GLASS OF WINE THAT WAS IN THE KITCHEN, DON'T DRINK IT! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!"

Every nation turned towards him, raising their eyebrows. Had Arthur lost it? Again?

The self – proclaimed awesome man of the situation laughed and said "Well, why? What's the problem? If it's just a glass of wine, I'll treat you to one!"

Arthur panicked. Did that mean that Gilbert had taken it? "YOU IDIOTIC GIT! DID YOU DRINK IT?"

Gilbert didn't falter. "Relax man, it wasn't me. Why are you so worried anyway?"

Arthur figured that the surprise effect had gone out the window already. "Because it was a Personality Switch potion, you git! It will make your personality make a one – eighty within ten minutes of ingestion!"

Every guy, girl and animal in the room panicked. There was a chorus of "YOU UNBELIEVABLE IDIOT!" and "WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BROUGHT IT HERE! ?".

Then there was a strange yelp form somewhere in the back of the room. People turned to see what it was.

Ludwig was there, sporting a very un – German like grin. And by the looks of it, he had just pinched Feliciano's ass. And he was still holding on to it.

* * *

Oh my God! Ludwig's on the loose! Run for your life! Run, I tell yah!


	2. Chapter 2

The room was silent. So silent that you could hear a pin being dropped. Everyone was staring in utter disbelief at Ludwig, who was still smiling, hand still firmly on Feliciano's buttocks.

No one but Romano reacted.

"YOU POTATO BASTARD! LET GO OF MY BROTHER, _PRONTO_!"

Feliciano didn't know what to do. However, Ludwig did.

"Shut up, you. I'll touch my Feli's ass anytime I'll feel like it, and YOU of all people have no say in that! And besides... "

completely ignoring Romano, Ludwig turned towards Kiku and winked at him. "Don't be jealous. You just ask, and I'll touch your ass anytime!"

Kiku was having a strong nosebleed, whereas half of the room was astonished and the other half was laughing their heads off.

Yep. No doubt about who had drank the potion now.

Feli ran towards England in tears "What have you done to Ludwig! He's even scarier than before!"

Arthur had no words left. He mumbled an apology and said "I promise I'll look for an antidote."

Romano shouted "YOU BETTER DO, FUCKING BUSHY – BROWED BASTARD!"

Ludwig on the other hand had reached Feliciano and hugged him tight from behind. Feli whimpered. "Hush, love. I'll be gentle, I swear! You guys, we're outta here! I'll see you tomorrow!"

With that, he skipped across the room, a squirming Feliciano in tow.

Francis laughed and shouted after them "Make a man out of my sweet Italy, Germany!"

Gilbert was speechless. Then he started crying tears of joy. "My bruder is finally going to become a man! Oh, I'm so moved I could cry!"

Hungary instead had gotten out her camera and was following them out the door with a possessed look in her eyes. "Must… record… every second of it..."

Romano was taking out his frustration on Antonio, who was not very pleased.

"What the hell, Inglaterra! Get a move and make a goddamn antidote NOW!"

The rest of the countries instead had started betting on the outcome, with Switzerland as the bookmaker.

Cuba was shouting "Ten pesos on Italy getting his brains screwed out tonight!"

Alfred was more along the lines of "A hundred dollars on Ludwig getting a restraining order by tomorrow night, tops!"

Austria, being the cheapskate he was, bet one euro on Ludwig finally getting rid of his virginity by the following day.

Netherlands was laughing, and bet twenty euros on Arthur not being able to find a remedy for at least six months.

Meanwhile, Feli was trying to keep Ludwig at bay.

"C-come on, Ludwig... calm down... it's okay... HEY! Keep your hands to yourself!"

Ludwig was being very difficult to manage. "Aw, come on, Feli! You know you love it..."

Feli was trying his hardest. This new Ludwig was so hard to manage...

"L-look... _ah_! S-stop that! Listen!"

Ludwig stopped dead in his tracks with his hands under Feli's shirt.

"What, Feli – love? Don't you like me?"

Oh God.

"It's not that, really! It's just... uhm... you're not yourself, that's it!"

Ludwig smiled a very un – Ludwig smile.

"Of course I'm myself, silly! I'm still me, sweetie!"

Silly? _Sweetie_? Oh God, Ludwig had definetely made a one – eighty.

"No, Ludwig. Believe me, you really are not yourself. You... uhm... you better sleep it off, ok? I'll come back tomorrow to see how you're doing."

Ludwig pouted. Then gave him a smile worthy of France and said "Ok... I'll let you go for tonight. But tomorrow..." he licked his lips and winked "...you'll have no excuse!"

With that, he shut the door, leaving a very red – faced Feli on the other side.

This was going to be difficult.

* * *

Oh God. Feli, be fast about that restraining order! Fast, I tell you!

Thanks for the reviews guys!


	3. Chapter 3

Arthur was going over his spell books to no avail. Shit. He had wanted to rid the world of a crazy pervert and instead what had he done? He had doubled it. And since Germany was one of the few decent nations out there, his character was now a terrible blend of the Bad Touch Trio plus Russia. Well, wasn't that perfect. Not to mention how Italy's brother had been pestering him non – stop about the antidote. Which he couldn't find anywhere.

And the rumours on how Germany was going around groping people's asses and trying to seize the vital regions of unsuspecting nations were not helping.

Every nation that had something close to a lover/wife/husband/pet had gone to England, knife in hand, kindly inviting him to be fucking quick about the bloody antidote.

Feliciano was having a difficult time. He really didn't like being stuck as the grown up of the situation.

He was sitting on Ludwig's couch, after having excused himself with Sweden, who had showed up at the door extremely angry because apparently Ludwig had cornered Finland on the street and tried to convince him to "become one with him".

"This can't go on much longer." he tiredly thought.

"Feli – love, could you come here? I need heeeeelp..."

Feli groaned. What now?

"What is it, Ludwig?" he asked, going to where he was.

Ludwig was lying in bed, wearing only a lechereous smile.

Feliciano had a severe nosebleed.

"What – how – put something on!"

Ludwig pouted and licked his lips.

"Come on, Feli... aren't you always sleeping naked? With me? Why is now different?"

Feli knew he was right. But _still_!

"Ludwig... seriously... this can't go on... you're crazy right now!"

Ludwig simply smiled and said "Yes, I'm crazy... about you..."

Oh. God.

"Ludwig. Arthur will find a cure. And you will wish to bury yourself in a hellhole when all of this will be over."

Ludwig didn't seem to mind at all. "Whatever baby, I know you'll beg me to give you some..."

"Argh! I'm outta here! See ya!"

Ludwig suddenly got up and hugged him. He kissed Feli's ear, making him shiver. Then he said in a low, husky voice "Don't go yet... stay here"

Feli was starting to feel his guard drop. He blushed. Why was he resisting anyway...?

"There, Feli... good... I love you..."

That sentence made Feli's eyes widen. He suddenly remembered _why_ he was resisting. This guy was not Ludwig. He was a crazy love – machine on the loose.

He turned around, pushed him back on the bed and said "You. Sit. There. I'll bring you some clothes."

Ludwig was not very pleased. He sat back on the bed. Then, smile back in place, he said "If you want me to get dressed, you'll have to do it yourself..."

Feli groaned. Again.

"Ludwig. Please. Don't make this even more difficult than it is already."

Ludwig gave up. He got up, threw something on and announced "Well, since you don't want me, I'll go home." with that said, he got out.

Feli sighed in relief. Then he realised that this actually was Ludwig's house.

Realization dawned on him.

"LUDWIG! COME BACK! Christ!"

Too late. Ludwig was nowhere to be seen.

At the same time, all nations shivered. Something terrible was going to happen.

* * *

If I were you, I'd leave the light on tonight. And look under your bed before you go to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Liechtenstein was going home. She had gone shopping all day, and now she was kinda tired.

She got into a café to get something to drink. While she was there simply enjoying the cozy athmosphere, a guy sat at the same table she was using.

Oh! it was Germany! One of the few guys that didn't make passes at her. She smiled politely and asked "Hello, mr Germany. How are you doing?"

Ludwig gave a wide grin and said "Very well now that I've seen you, sweetie..."

Liechtenstein blushed. What had he just said?

"Uhm... thank you..."

Ludwig got nearer to her. "Aren't you a cutie when you blush... I could eat you up!"

Just when Liechtenstein was very close to fainting, Switzerland got into the same café. And he wasn't pleased.

"YOU! What the hell are you doing with my sister! Get lost!"

Ludwig didn't falter. "Oh, hello, you. Me and your sister are just having a good time. Aren't we, sweetheart?"

Switzerland got his guns out and pointed them straight at Ludwig's vital regions.

"Get. The. Hell. Out. Of. Here." He said while loading his weapons.

Ludwig shivered. His courage wasn't the same after he took the potion. He held up his hands and tried to reason with the pissed off Swiss. "Like you would even dare. That would cause a war. And you never go to war."

Switzerland blushed in anger. He was going to pull the trigger and make Germany regret being born.

"S-stop! Big brother, don't kill him! It's okay, we were just talking!"

Ludwig quickly added "Yeah, you heard the chick! Come on, don't do things you'll regret!"

Switzerland was _sooo _going to murder him. Hiding behind a woman's skirt, pathetic…

"STOP! STOP RIGHT THERE!"

All three parties involved looked towards the voice. It was Feliciano.

Switzerland cursed. What was with perverts and no – use idiots being all over the place today?

"It's okay, Svizzera. I'm taking him home. I've been looking for him everywhere."

Switzerland snorted. "He's lucky I didn't blast his balls off already. Come on sis, we're going home."

While the two siblings were going away, Italy did something he had never done.

He started lecturing Germany.

"You no – good kraut! What the hell were you thinking? You're not getting any wurst tonight! Bad boy!"

Ludwig didn't lose heart. "Oh oh, Feli, look who's all jealous…"

Feli blushed. "I'm not jealous! You just can't go around pestering well – behaved girls! That's wrong!"

Ludwig pouted. "But you always do that…"

Feli shook his head. It was true, but still!

"Yeah, but I am the irresponsible, latin – lover, lovey – dovey guy in this place! You should be the one setting an example for the world! And, I can't stand being responsible anymore! It's like… argh! Whatever! We're going home! Now!"

Ludwig didn't move.

Feli felt on the verge of tears. "Please, please, Ludwig, can't we go home already?"

Ludwig smiled and said "Sweetie, if I behave and we go home, can I have something in exchange?"

Feli wanted to bang his head really hard on a wall. "It depends. What is it?"

Ludwig kept the smile in place and said "I want you to eat potatoes and wurst in front of me! Butt – nak…"

Feli pressed both his hands on Ludwig's mouth before he could finish the sentence. What the hell! Arthur was _so _going to receive a declaration of war…

"J-just follow me. And NO, I'm not going to do it!"

Feli was depressed. If a normal Ludwig had asked him such a thing, all adorable, embarassed and blushing, he would have done it gladly. But at the moment, he looked as adorable and shy as a pig in heat.

While he was dragging a very giggly Ludwig home, he wondered if this was how he looked in the German's eyes. Was he as obnoxious, intolerable and ridiculos like Ludwig?

He sincerely hoped not. He'd have to ask.

* * *

Feli has saved Ludwig! Omigawd, Hell has frozen over!

Thanks for the reviews, guys! They make my ego grow =D


	5. Chapter 5

Arthur was despairing. More and more nations were getting to the point of cornering him on a street and beath the shit out of him. Especially Elizaveta, who had tried to stick her frying pan of doom in his butt because Ludwig had gone to Austria's house and had tried to invade him just like he did in World War Two. Only, this time he had brought a riding crop and a pair of handcuffs along.

His level of despair went through the roof when he read a ripped page on his spellbook. That said

"_This potion must be used only in extreme cases, for it has only one antidote, and that is for the sub…."_

Arthur felt like hanging himself. Sit on Busby's chair. Jump off the Big Ben. Nuke himself. Hide out in the Tower of London.

You get the picture.

And when Italy broke into his house with a giggling Germany in tow, he knew it was not going to get better.

"England! I'm sick and tired! Fucking do something or I swear on my mother's best pasta recipe I'm going to go Vatican Inquisition on your ass!"

Arthur cringed. Then figured that if he wanted to kill himself, this was the best chance he was going to get. He silently showed Italy the page.

Feliciano read it. Then he went green.

"What the FUCK does it mean '_it has only one antidote…_'? Why did you rip the bloody page? What the hell were you fucking thinking?"

Arthur wanted to cry. "I… I figured that France was going to drink it, so I didn't bother with antidotes… I'm sorr…"

Germany happily butted in. "Look, no problem! I'm fine! Really!"

Italy was out of God's grace. "YOU UNBELIEVABLE IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL AM I GONNA DO NOW? Oh, you're _sooo _dead. I'm declaring war, and I'll ask Russia to be my ally! I'll have America nuke you! I'll have France move in with you!… I'll…"

Then he suddenly got on his knees. He started crying.

Arthur was feeling like shit. "Look, Italy, I'm so sorry…"

Feliciano said nothing. He simply got back on his feet, silently grabbed a squirming Ludwig by the wrist and went home. As soon as he got through the door, he threw himself on the couch, rubbing his eyes.

Ludwig decided to stay silent until Feli spoke.

But he didn't.

"Hey, Feli, what's the matter?"

Italy's eye twitched.

"Nothing. Go to sleep, Germany."

Ludwig felt suddenly uneasy. Feli called him with his national name only when he was sad.

"Feeeeeli… come on, tell me what's wrong? Please?"

Feli couldn't hold it in anymore. He sprang to his feet and yelled "THIS! THIS IS WRONG! YOU ARE!"

Ludwig was surprised. "Feli…?"

But Italy could not stop speaking. "You… you're not the Ludwig I fell in love with! You're just someone who looks like him! Ludwig would never make me feel like shit! He would never go around groping people's asses! You're just a nutcase! I can't stand you!"

Ludwig was hurt. He answered "Weren't you always complaining on how uptight I was…?"

Feli felt like strangling him. "That's not the point! I liked you that way! I'm air headed enough fro the two of us! And now I can't be myself around you anymore! I have to watch out because you go around harassing people! You were perfect for me! And now… now you're just…"

He calmed down. He took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. But we can't be like we were anymore. I'll still be your friend no matter what, but I can't be your lover. "

Ludwig was having a serious internal conflict. On one hand, he felt like he could simply not go back to what he was before. His personality had completely changed, leaving no trace of what he used to be. But his feelings couldn't change. No matter how strict or easy – going, he loved Feli. Not being able to be with him was out of the question. But there was no antidote… what was he going to do?

He was thinking so hard that his head was spinning. He felt a strong migraine coming. He clutched his head, trying to make it stop.

Feliciano worried. He went to him and took his cheeks in his hands. "Ludwig? What's wrong? Are you feeling well?"

Ludwig couldn't answer. He mumbled through gritted teeth "My head. It hurts."

Before Feliciano could do anything, Ludwig fell backwards. He had lost consciousness.

"Ludwig? Ludwig! Wake up! Hey!"

But he didn't.

* * *

Oh Ludwig! Wake uuuup!

Read and review guys =D


	6. Chapter 6

Feli was worried sick. He had lost his cool and shouted at Ludwig. He had no idea he would take it so hard. He had fainted. And he was not waking up.

He was unsure about what to do, but he knew one thing: it would be not good to let him lie on the floor. So he gathered all of his strength and carried him to his bed.

Once he had finished putting on his pajamas, he sat down beside him. He couldn't help but notice how relaxed he looked when he slept. _Well_, he thought sadly, _at least the way he sleeps didn't make a one – eighty too…_

He decided that since he was not risking to be raped, he could sleep by Ludwig's side. However, this time he slept with his shirt and boxers on.

* * *

When Feli woke up, Ludwig wasn't in the bed anymore. Frightened, Feliciano hastily dressed, wondering where he could have gone and whose vital regions was he trying to invade.

"Oh. You're awake already. That sure is a miracle."

Feli turned suddenly.

Ludwig was at the door, dressed in his trademark army uniform and with his usual serious expression.

Feli couldn't believe his eyes. "Ludwig? What happened to you?"

Ludwig looked at Feliciano, a confused look in his eyes. "What happened to me? What do you mean…?"

Feli's eyes lit up. He ran to Ludwig and hugged him. "Ludwig, Ludwig, you came back! You're… you! This is wonderful!"

Ludwig blushed in the hug. He awkwardly patted Feli on the head, asking him "I never went anywhere. And of course I'm me. Who would I be?"

Feli didn't even bother with a reply. He got on his tiptoes and kissed him with passion.

Ludwig blushed even harder. When Feliciano decided he needed to breathe, he said "Uhm… yeah, I'm glad to see you so… uhm… lively early in the morning…"

Since Feli didn't seem to catch his drift, Ludwig got him by the shoulders and peeled the very happy Italian off from his body. "Look, you have to calm down. This is not proper!"

Feliciano didn't mind. He smiled very wide and said "You're right, this is not proper at all! I'll go make breakfast! You deserve a special one!"

With that, he skipped happily from the room, leaving a very red in the face Ludwig in his wake.

After their brakfast was over, Ludwig asked something. "Feliciano, how come I don't remember anything of the last few days? I was at the party, and then I woke up this morning. What happened in the meantime?"

Feli looked up. Should he tell him the truth? Well, he was going to find it out very soon anyway. No nations that he knew of were any good at the whole "keeping secrets" thing.

"Nothing, you just drank a potion that England mistakenly gave you instead of France and your personality has changed a bit. You… uhm… let's say, if I was in a room with you from yesterday and the Bad Touch Trio, I really wouldn't know who to escape from first."

Ludwig choked on his beer. "Wh-How-WHAT?"

Feli gave an amused smile. "It's true, believe me. You were going around asking people to become one with you, seizing vital regions and invading Austria's house. Now that it's all in the past, it was actually really funny!"

Ludwig went through many shades of red. Then got up with a murderous look in his eyes.

"Uhm… Ludwig? Where are you going…?"

He simply spat through gritted teeth "I think I'll pay England a visit."

* * *

"Francis? What is this?"

Francis looked up to se what his awesome friend was talking about. He had a ripped page in his hand that said "_… for the subject to desperately want to go back to his usual state."_

Francis shrugged. "I have no idea. Just throw it out."

"Alright, but I'll be awesome about it!"

In the meantime, somewhere in the United Kingdom, a thick – browed man was running for his life from a very not – pleased, gun – wielding, foaming – at – the – mouth blond fellow.

_fin. Or is it?_

* * *

There. And sorry, but Arthur didn't make it.

=D


End file.
